I left my Momma’s Missouri home on February 13th. That had been my plan for about a week. I woke up one day and I knew that it was time. Time to go home, time for her to get back to some sort of normalcy and time for each of us to get back to life. I could have left then, but I didn’t feel right about not being there for her birthday and giving it a bit extra time to be sure of my decision. My husband encouraged me the entire time I was there with her not to return if I was going to be too worried about her. Sometimes that man amazes me.
I think what truly convinced me that it was time, was the change in Momma’s attitude. I started seeing glimpses of the Momma I know and love, the one the illness had stolen from me and replaced with a moody Momma. She was starting to pick on me again, and to laugh – although, she tried hard not to because that still hurt her stomach. Seeing her smile, laugh, and joke made my heart happy. It was the sign I needed to know that she was truly on the mend.
Now that doesn’t mean that the woman is not stubborn as mule. She kept trying to eat things she shouldn’t and I’m hoping she learned her lesson and hasn’t continued doing that! She meets with the Doctor tomorrow for her follow up and I’m curious as to what he will tell her. Some of the paperwork we received gave us mixed messages and let me tell you what, that is annoying! Especially, when you are trying to follow the instructions and they say you can have toast and toast was bad, bad, bad.
I would have liked to be there for tomorrows follow up appointment but that would have kept me there a full two weeks after the time I knew that it was time for me to head on home. The weather the night before I left was trying to put a dent in my plans for travel and so I did watch it closely. I don’t put much stock in the weather channel or weather reporters. I mean if you really wanna know what it is doing outside, go outside and find out. I have often said that being a weatherman is one of the jobs you get paid to lie to people.
I did pay attention though. Tim went to work. School was not cancelled for Halen. The roads were clear. It was simply cold and windy. I knew I was safe to continue on with my plans. I even waited until 10 a.m. to head out, just to ensure my safe travel. Plus, I had to play Tetris – aka load my car. Momma was worried and kept trying to get me to stay an extra day or two. She’d be worried no matter what. I’m going to have to start carrying a gun with me just to ease her worries when I travel. I don’t have an issue with driving cross country, other than after awhile it gets tiring and I’m ready to be done. My back also gets to bugging me so I have to be watchful of that and take the required measures to ensure it doesn’t get out of hand. I’m actually very comfortable in my car, it’s something about the seats.
It would have been easy to stay a couple more days, but it wouldn’t have made the inevitable any easier. So, I had to treat it like a bandaid and rip it off. It stung a little as I hate seeing my Momma cry for any reason what-so-ever. Also, that little Teddy Bear dog of hers, well he just became my pal. He loved riding shotgun with me anytime I went somewhere. He kept following me up and down the hall and prancing around like he was gonna get to go with me. If I could have taken him, I would have. My husband specifically said, “Do not bring any dogs home.” He also said, “No, you cannot get a kitten yet.”
Teddy Bear so sweet and he doesn’t shed. I don’t mind dogs at all, they’re rather loving, well most. We have Roxie (German Shepherd), poor girl, losing all her hair and having health issues. You’d think she was far older than her 9 years. She’ll be 10 in November. She’s turning gray and white, and walks around like a really old lady. What I do mind though, is the shedding. I can’t stand it! Teddy Bear is the perfect dog, he does not shed! If I ever have another dog, it will be a Teddy Bear type, because I am not dealing with the hair. So I told him, when you become a Papa…
Momma sent me such a sad photo though: “Someone is looking for you.”
I’m sure gonna miss that little fella. He was my partner in crime, whenever Halen was busy or not home. I miss them all, honestly, but I don’t live in Missouri and there’s nothing I can do about that right now. For the past year, I have mentioned several times that I’d like to be closer to home. I’m not sure I could handle ten minutes down the road, but closer would be nice, just because of family. I mean, I haven’t even lived in the same state since I was 21. So these months that I spent with Momma was the longest I’ve been in the same place as her since then. Crazy uh? Military life, what can I say.
Even my daughter has mentioned to me, how she’d like that, or like to have the ability to take Nana to lunch or spend the day with her. She is appalled when people who live close enough to their grandparents or other family members don’t go see each other. She’s like, “I’ve never had that. If my grandparents and I were in the same area, I’d go visit. I’d spend time with them.” She like me, as also wondered if it’s an “age” thing. It never really got to me before, but with her off on her own and Brier graduating and David traveling with work, I think to myself, what am I gonna do? All my people are busy and my other people are a 2 day drive away.
That’s part of the reason I headed on back to Missouri as quickly as I did, to care for my Momma. I don’t live close, if something had happened or if that had become an emergency – it would have taken me time to get there. Time I didn’t want to fool around with. I simply wanted to be there, to care for her, to keep an eye on her and just in case I was seriously needed.
I did a lot of stuff while I was there. I took on a lot more than I should have probably, but well, like my Momma I learn the hard way. I learned a lot while I was there too… I realized I get a lot more things from my Momma than I knew. I always blamed my stubbornness on my Dad…can we say WRONG. Whew!
Anyway, I enjoyed my time mostly. Some days were harder than others. Some days I got a little mad or irritated – when do I not? haha Some days were great and fun. Some had fleeting moments of peaceful quiet. Quiet is a rare thing at Momma’s, so much so that now as I sit in the quiet I have noticed my ears keep ringing. I’ll be glad when that passes.
Everything I did though, I did for them and to keep myself busy so I wouldn’t miss my own home and family even more than I did. If I kept myself moving, I didn’t have time to dwell on that part. I enjoyed cooking for them, mostly Tim, but I enjoyed it because the man will eat anything. I wish my crew was like that. Cooking would be a lot less frustrating if so, but alas, I have picky eaters. There will be no tortilla soup or potato soup for them and no chili either. 🙁
I enjoyed my time with Halen, even though she got to be a bit much sometimes, for the most part she’s a really good girl and we had a lot of fun. She became my coloring buddy and wanted to color the same pictures as me. She would try to copy and color it the same way too. We had many Starbucks dates, she really likes hot chocolate. We had a few Hobby Lobby runs and she knows that is my favorite store. We watched several movies and had many weekend sleepovers (she slept with me on non-school nights). She loved to help me too and it didn’t matter if I was cleaning, cooking, or whatever. She just wanted to be included.
I enjoyed my mornings with Momma. We’d sit in our chairs, drink our coffee, read our devotions and write in our planners. Sometimes we’d talk about what we read. Sometimes we’d talk about what was on our mind or hearts. Other times we were just quiet. Many times we went to lunch together, mostly to Olive Garden as I am apparently the only one who will eat there with her, so she had to take advantage. I think she needs to find some Olive Garden loving gal pals. I love Olive Garden, so it was no issue, but Momma needs some peeps in her life that will go on lunch dates with her!
I enjoyed going to Church with them too. There’s something special about the Nixa General Baptist Church. If you ever find yourself in that area on a Sunday morning, you should stop in and enjoy the service. You won’t be disappointed. I’m also thankful, I got to be there for Halen’s acceptance of Christ Jesus, her baptism and her Christmas program. I even got to go to one of Hannah’s basketball games. These are things we miss with our families living far away as we always have. I will treasure those few moments forever. I can’t thank the Nixa General Baptist Church enough for welcoming me into their lives for the time I was there. I was truly missing the service yesterday.
I often found myself doubting or questioning the things I was doing. Am I doing too much, not enough, the right things, the wrong things? Am I being too lazy, should I be doing more, should I let her do more… Negative thoughts that try to plague you and wear you down, ya know? My husband, my sister Cayenne, and my friend Amber all continued to encourage me and help me keep my head up. I’ll be forever grateful for that.
When I left I felt like I was also leaving a lot of things unfinished, but I don’t know if I was or if it was simply more things I wanted to accomplish or do for Momma. I wanted to leave things better for her, does that make sense? I’m not saying it was bad, but I was there to help and I wanted to make sure I left it better than I found it. I’m not a hundred percent sure I did, but I tried.
Anyway, I’m rambling I’m sure, but I’m home now, back with my family, back to my quiet chill paced lifestyle. BUT I have a to-do list and I need to get down to business and get some of my things done now. You’re probably tired of reading by now, so perhaps I’ll tell you all about those things tomorrow.
For now, could you please continue to pray for my Momma’s recovery and over the funding for her medical bills. As always if you’d like to chip in and help us chip away at those bills we’d be forever grateful.
Thank you all, for your continued love, support and prayers. It has truly meant the world to us and blessed all our lives.