InFaith, Feelings, God, Health & Healing, Love, Momma, Prayer

If I Could…

I have multiple song lyrics running through my head at the moment. An Eric Clapton song, a Diamond Rio song, and some song about Flowers. Which is making it really difficult to write. It’s like the words are spinning around up there but I can’t seem to latch onto them.

Kinda like last night with Halen, she wanted to help me make pizza. Which was totally fine, I didn’t mind letting her help. The problem however, was the little hurricane that she is wouldn’t stop whirling around the kitchen long enough to actually help. I felt like Sebastian in the Little Mermaid!

I feel like my brain is on overdrive and begging for the motion to stop, to be still. So I can hear, and feel, and listen as the words wash over me verses plucking them one by one from midair. Plucking equals one long writing session. The thing is, sometimes we have things we want to say and we struggle with just the right thing to say, how to say it, what to say and even when.

We stress over it. We say too much or not enough. We feel guilty and overwhelmed. We don’t like confrontation. We don’t want to argue or complain. We don’t want to sound unappreciative or not thankful enough. The list goes on and on. The words spin round and round in our brain and get caught in our throat.

Someone does something super nice for you, they bless you in ways they may not even understand, and your heart becomes so overwhelmed by their kindness that you are truly at a loss for words.

Sometimes when we pray, all we can really say is, “Lord, listen to my heart because I cannot find the words.” And that’s okay, because He knows. He knows when you are so overwhelmed with feelings, and emotions, and exhaustion, and pain, and joy, and love… He knows it all and it doesn’t matter if you have the words. The Holy Spirit lives within and He speaks on your behalf when you know not what to say.

EDIFICATION: The instruction or improvement of a person morally or intellectually.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if He could do that with the people in our lives too? Speak on our behalf.

I mean how many times have you put off a conversation you know you need to have with someone? How many times has a kind gesture been wordlessly received because the weight of it was so wonderful you knew not how to respond! Wouldn’t it be nice if the Holy Spirit could just have those conversations for you?

A scripture that has been playing over and over in my head for about two weeks now is Galatians 6:1-2.

Brothers and Sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted, carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Even scripture tells us to TALK to one another. It doesn’t matter if it’s in times of trouble, heartache, or gratitude. Do you know what I mean? Yes, some conversations are easier than others and some you truly do not have words for.

If I could tell you every thing in my heart, I would, but that is impossible. If I could send each one of you – who have blessed my Momma with a financial gift – flowers, I would! But right now if I have extra money I need to not buy flowers, know what I mean? So, I’m left with my simple words and all I can do is pray they are enough.

As all of you know, my Momma is sick. Surgery is in TEN days! It may be the longest ten days of our life, but we are almost there. There have been a lot of medical tests that have lead up to this point and each of them have greeted us with a very ugly price tags. There has been work missed which means a rather small paycheck. Then, there’s the bills – you just can’t stop those things from arriving.

Anyway, a few people have CHIPPED IN via that money pool I set up for Momma. What I really want to say here, sounds so wrong, but I’m going to say it anyway. It’s sitting at a measly $145. However, I am beyond thankful for each and every single dollar. It might not cover much, but it does cover something and I did say, every penny helps. Well, it’s certainly more than a penny.

THANK YOU! THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!!!

It just seems really small when your looking at the big ugly amount of bills we’re trying to chip away at with it. Does that make sense? My sister Cayenne told me this morning, “Stop looking at it like that and just look at each penny.” She’s right, but it is difficult not to look at the whole picture, is it not?

Some of you have mailed us a gift and these gifts have been mind blowing. I say that because they arrive unannounced and it seems, at just the right moment in time too. One day a gift of $100 arrived and it covered the bills that were not being met that week. The next time a $200 gift arrived and guess what the bill was due the next day! I mean these gifts, they just show up, right when we really need them.

And each time Momma says to me, “Well, why did she send me that?” Umm, you goofball! To help you!

She cannot seem to wrap her head around the fact that family and friends are reaching out, blessing her and trying to keep her uplifted during this difficult time that she’s in. The thankfulness and love in her heart because of your kindness has left her speechless.

So she says to me one day, could you write something up, it doesn’t have to be long, just a little thank you. I don’t want people feeling like I’m ignoring their gift but I, I just don’t know what to say either. I don’t do well with writing “small” so this is probably longer than she was thinking.

Some of you have asked that we keep the gift just between us. Therefore, I won’t say any names, you know who you are. What we need you to know, each and every one of you, is that we are thankful beyond words. To us, our measly little thank you feels small in comparison to the size of your blessing, but we pray you appreciate our attempt anyway.

Please keep those prayers coming, they weigh more than pennies, even though we need those pennies too.

Love y’all,

~Tonya

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