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Stealing Our Joy

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. ~John 10:10

Today we met with the surgeon, Dr. Edwards. We were excited about this appointment. It meant we would finally have a surgical date and that we could move forward. Forward toward the fix, the recovery and the feeling better. Forward toward no longer hurting and feeling miserable. Forward toward having her stomach put back where it belongs and out of her chest and lungs.

We discussed the surgery with Dr. Edwards, personally, that was a waste of time. We already knew she needed this surgery and we should have just scheduled it back in October. He sent us on down to his scheduler, Amanda, to schedule the surgery. The first available date…

JANUARY 31st 2020!!!

Can we say DISAPPOINTED. I mean like seriously disappointed. I expected this surgery to occur within the next two weeks, not two months! I’m sorry but that is absolutely ridiculous! I even told Amanda, “Y’all obviously need more doctors.” She informed me, “We have nine and he’s the best.” Still… A two month wait!

It was so unexpected and Momma thought she misheard Amanda. When she realized she didn’t, man guys, that was just crushing! She’s so miserable. She hurts all the time and she’s tired all the time. She just wanted to get this fixed and to start feeling better. To be sitting on the edge of relief and have it yanked away for a few months, it was devastating.

Watching that news hit my Momma like a ton of bricks just really, well I had to ask the Lord to put his hand over my mouth because I was about to get kinda ugly. I think most of you know how I feel about my Momma, so to see her just knocked down like that sucked. She even told me, “I don’t know how I do the things I do. I’m so tired. I don’t even know how I make it through each work day. It has got to be the Lord’s strength because I don’t have it.” She’s being honest. I watch her come dragging in of an afternoon and most days I find myself wondering if she’s going to make it through her own shower!

That’s why when she gets home I don’t want there to be anything for her to HAVE to do. I want her to be able to just go rest. That might be a nap or maybe just sitting on the couch reading a book, whatever, as long as it’s rest.

As we were leaving, I kept thinking, “Man that’s a long time for me to be away from home. I might have to go home and return before the surgery.” I felt extremely torn. I still do. I feel very needed and useful here. At home, I just hang out. I was feeling a lot like, I’m just there. Here I have a purpose. I miss my family but they don’t need me the way she does right now. My kids are basically grown. I mean Ash is 20 and Bri is 17 and they are very self sufficient. They come and go and I see glimpses of them and David and I are wandering around like, what the heck are we supposed to do. Me, more so.

The oddest, not necessarily hardest part is that it’s me away from home vs David. We’re pretty used to being separated for different amounts of time here and there. I guess we can thank the military for that, but I’ve never been away for a lengthy amount of time on my own. It’s very weird.

Anyway, I talked with my husband after Momma left for work. After she said the saddest thing to me, “That just ruined my whole day and I was feeling pretty good.” Which got me to thinking, which led me to scripture and I got a couple words to say…

Satan, back up off my Momma! She ain’t your’s. She belongs to the Lord and you cannot have her joy!

Lord, fill her heart so full of joy that Satan’s attempts to steal it bounce off her like pinballs.

Now, back to what I was telling you about my husband, David. I sure got myself a good man. He knows me, sometimes too well. I tell him I guess I’ll come home for a bit and he says to me, “Are you coming home for yourself or for us? BUSTED. He continues, “I’m not trying to discourage you from coming home but if you’re coming just for us, we’re okay.” And once again he tells me, “We’re big boys.” I know they are and I know they just do their own thing and I see glimpses of them here and there.

Then he goes on, “What’s your Mom gonna do if you come home? And how much is that going to bother you? You’ll worry yourself until you’re back on the road headed right back to Missouri and you know it.” Dang it! BUSTED AGAIN.

I tell him, that’s an awful long time for me to be gone. I’ve never been gone that long before. He has, but I haven’t. I guess I’m having my first real deployment, thankfully it’s just to Momma’s vs one of those places David used to visit. I continue, she’s going to have a 4-6 week recovery, so that would put me here until the first of March! He says, “And March is when I will NEED you.” Dang it! That man sure knows me, doesn’t he? I told him, you’re probably gonna have to call and tell Momma all this.

She’s super worried about me being needed at home. She keeps telling me, “they need you” and “you’re gonna have to go home, I love having you here and it’s very helpful but this is a long time…” You see she’s torn too. She knows she needs help but she feels guilty about my being here away from my family. Maybe she’s forgotten that she’s my family too.

In my world, family takes care of family. Besides that, this my Momma. Pulling me away from her in her hour of need is no better than trying to pull me away from my husband or one of my kids during their’s. Thankfully, I have an amazing husband and understanding adultish children and apparently they know how I work. I can’t decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Anyway, today’s news sucked but I guess I’m here until the end of February. Momma will just have to get used to it, because unless a bigger need arises, then I’m where I’m needed most right now. And as David also pointed out, it saves money if I stay put. He and Brier will come see me around Christmas. I’m sad that Ash won’t be able to come but I understand her winter session class is super important. I’m just gonna miss her and I don’t want her to get lonely. David says I don’t have to worry about that. I reminded him that I’m a Momma and Momma’s worry. We just can’t help it, can we?

In other news, Cindy Lou Who, Halen’s elf has returned and I’m so glad to experience it! I’ve wanted to play with one of these things forever, but my kids were too big when they came out. Hope you are following us on Facebook to see what that little elf gets up to.

Oh, and I’ve a praise report! Momma received a $100 in the mail and what a blessing it was. You see, Momma had to take a few days off work for tests and well her check didn’t quite cover all the bills. She needed exactly $100 by next week, only she doesn’t get paid next week. The Lord works in wonderful mysterious ways, does he not?

Anyway, I’ll write up a post about medical expenses and such later because I want everyone to know they are chipping in for a legit reason and I feel that by sharing the information it allows you to see the need. For now however, I’ve some cleaning to do and some chili to make.

Please keep those prayers coming and thank you for chipping in and helping us as we walk through this troubled valley. We truly do appreciate it.

Love,

~Tonya

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1 Comment

  • Matt Chow

    Praying for you.
    2 Timothy 1:7 – For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
    If there’s anything I can do for you or your family, please let me know.

    December 7, 2019 at 8:03 am Reply
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